I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize