she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Boobs speak an international language.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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