God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
