Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
