I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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