That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
