3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
