Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
