We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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