Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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