I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
