u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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