So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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