Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
