actually, I'm a sock model
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
