She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
