Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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