By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come share oat with me in your robe
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
