so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
