I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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