I wish I only lived at night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
