I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
