Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
