Sponge bath it is.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize