i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
