Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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