TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
