the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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