Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
