All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
