I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
