Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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