I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
