If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
