sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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