I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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