Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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