I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
