honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
