she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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