We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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