i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize