i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize