he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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