Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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