Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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