Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
