he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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