Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
