Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
