I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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