I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
