I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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