I just saw a hot homeless man
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
