When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
