Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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