last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
