I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
