In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize