i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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