Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
420 ftw
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
