ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
