You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
