There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
