So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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