i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
