we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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