people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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