We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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