first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
