Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
